Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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