you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
