Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I cockslap morals
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
FUCK WHALES
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