He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
