and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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