woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
