with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Randomize
