so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Still dying that you shit outside
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
