I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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