I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
