exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
