So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
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My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize