yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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