Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
