If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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