12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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