he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
