You can't motorboat a personality
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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