Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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