I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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