she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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