Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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