The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
