somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i think my mom watched the whole time
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
