id be glad to
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
