White coat. Heels.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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