so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
