You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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