Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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