and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
