I am spending my child support on dildos
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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