I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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