Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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