if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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