Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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