Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
