if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
