I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
