you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
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Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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