There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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