Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
