Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize