I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
