I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
