im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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