Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
