I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
