I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
