I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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