i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize