Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
