the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
