All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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