you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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