There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
