I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
