I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
